Transition: The Real Story, Chapter 1
by conorsage
Summary: This is a story, following an FtM, trans man throughout his life. The powerful story of his transition, depression, and anxiety


You know, when I was a little girl, I would dream about what my life would be like when I got older. Would I be a doctor? An actor? Would I get married and have 3 kids. That was my magic number, 3. I would cut out pictures of boys in magazines and hang them on my wall.

I was your typical little girl. Blonde hair, big hazel eyes. I studied a lot, got good grades. No one would ever know what was going on inside my head. I'd never let them know.

I thought I was normal. I got bullied a lot because of the size of my eyes. Mrs. Frogger they would call me. It hurt, it hurt a lot. My brother was always there to put a stop to it. He's always been more outspoken. I admired him for that.

High school was a mess, it was... a living hell. Which, I'm sure most people feel that way. I would try to cry in the bathroom alone, so no one would see. I didn't want to be the class joke and the girl who cried too.

I started cutting myself on my legs where it was hidden. It was the only release from the darkness in my head. It hurt, physically, but freed me emotionally.

My family was upper middle class and they took care of all of us. They are great parents, not so great listeners.

Halfway through my sophomore year I met this group of girls. The popular girls. Tara and Anna. Of course their baked rhymed. They seemed to take a particular liking to me, I wasn't sure why though but I went with it.

They complimented my singing voice, which is long gone now after the testosterone. They invited me to the mall, to parties. I tried to avoid going because of Colton. Tall, handsome, and a real jerk.

My senior year went off well with my new "friends". They came over to my house, we watched movies, played cards. They'd always ask me if I thought they were hot because I came out as a lesbian the year before when Donald and I broke up.

The year went by so quickly and before I knew it, it was prom. My friends said they had a perfect date for me. A guy that was open minded and wanted a friend, nothing more. I agreed.

I dressed up in a dress because my family wanted "normal" prom pictures. I was supposed to meet them at the restaurant for a pre-prom dinner because the prom spread left a lot to be desired.

I showed up and my friends waved me over. they told me I looked beautiful, which for a reason I didn't know yet, made me very uncomfortable. Tara told me my date was in the bathroom and that I think I'd like him. We waited for a few minutes, savoring our spinach dip appetizer. Finally, the boys showed up. Colton, Derek, and a third guy hidden behind them. Melissa, they said, let me introduce you to your date. The boys parted and my eyes filled up with tears. In that exact moment, I realized I couldn't trust anyone.

He shyly introduced himself as Chad. I greeted him, holding back tears. I looked around at my "friends" and saw them giggling.

Chad had a severe case of Down Syndrome.

"We thought you guys had a lot in common," Colton said.

I shook Chad's hand and asked him if he wanted to leave. I have the capability of knowing when someone was making fun of me, but he didn't and it wasn't right for him to he laughed at.

Chad and I left the restaurant as my "friends" made sexual noises as we were walking out the door. I held back my tears as I loaded him into the car and started driving.

"You're pretty," he said. "Pretty girls shouldn't cry."

He was the most genuine person I'd met in my life.

The boys gave him the impression that he would be getting lucky that night. He put his best moves on me. It was sweet.

Eventually, we pulled in to the Waffle House and I realized that I had to tell him that it wasn't going to happen. That I was a lesbian.

The conversation was strange but relieving. This guy didn't judged me, he listened with an open heart and an open mind. He asked a lot of questions, but I didn't mind. He was genuinely curious.

That was the first time anyone had treated me like a human being.


End file.
